i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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