Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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