I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he shaved USA in his pubs
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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