I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
