i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
