Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
