I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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