I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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