we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
