No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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