omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
