Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
