I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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