I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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