please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My dick has a subreddit
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
