Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize