There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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