she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
