Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
