Non-Jews are for practice
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
