so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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