clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
