They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
whose parrot is this?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
