i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
