my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think i got beer on your cat.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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