I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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