the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
