Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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