she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dignity is for republicans.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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