I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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