dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Are we still banned from the library?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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