i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
