Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
