shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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