I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Randomize
