my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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