Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
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Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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