She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Randomize
