I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
