you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
