i already hear my dad disowning me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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