I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
