You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
