hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
