I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
