I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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