Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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