If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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