she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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