you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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