Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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