Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
