mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize