Where is the hickey?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
