Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
