Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize