let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
