he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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