I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
