I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
