Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
