My hand turned me down
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
