weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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