@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
