allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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