What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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