plz talk dirty to me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
