youre lurking in front of me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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