I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
