I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
