My Higher Power is John Stamos
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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