Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
