he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
